Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I need a burrito and a hug.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
