your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
