Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
