I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Nicole vs. Life
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
