Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
