sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
