dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
