he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
