I must be too annoying 4 u.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize