I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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