I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
