I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
