and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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