My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
