So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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