People with herpes should wear stickers.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I AM VODKA MAN
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
