So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
