i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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