Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
