Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
