I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
