I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
