there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
