it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
