thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
