your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
