she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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