My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
