can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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