No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She's the barista slut.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You are the jesus of drinking
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