Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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