Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
