That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have demons in me.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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