so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i've created a new STD.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
