So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
