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your thong is hanging out like whoa
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize