apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
