its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
