Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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