Swine flu. Run for my life!
well you can't waste a boner
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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