i barfeds in our rink
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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