Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
