do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
