We're facebook friends in real life
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize