Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
