im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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