Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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