bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
