I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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