I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
