her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
