i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize