All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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