I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
