I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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