do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
