google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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