I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You have to summon your inner elephant
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
