Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i was born a porn star she said
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
