You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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