Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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