I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
