I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize