dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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