this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
