I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
