Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
