I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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