I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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