Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
