In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
