Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
