whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
