apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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