Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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