and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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