Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well I just put wine in my tea
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
