so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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