dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
