i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have demons in me.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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