she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Randomize
