so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm passing your future prison.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize