he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
