Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
