in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
