Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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