And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I wear drunk well.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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