remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
And then he peed in my hair
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