someone owes me an orgasm
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize