Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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