Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
