Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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