you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize