I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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