Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You're like the curious george of whores
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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