Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
