Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
