tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I love you.
Bad choice
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
