I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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