u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i already hear my dad disowning me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
