now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize