there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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