So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
