how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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