I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
