mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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